Guest Blogger- Big Tough Girl Ashley!

Hello Everyone!

My name is Ashley Mitchell and I am so excited to write this post for Angie and Clayton! It is such an honor and they are so amazing. I have been following their blog and have really enjoyed their open and honest hearts! I was asked to share a little bit about myself.
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I am 31 years old and I am married to my Amazing Grace.

We have an amazing, beautiful daughter, Tyler Ann who is now 13 months…I don’t know what we did before our baby girl! I am a member of the LDS church and serve faithfully in the Young Women's Program. I have an incredible family that I love dearly, I love to read, I love to scrapbook and create art, I love to spend time outdoors, camping and at the lake, I am a
die-hard college football fan,I think snow is magical...
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and I am a birth mom.
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.At 26 I found myself pregnant and in an impossible situation. My life was changed forever. I had to make a decision and it almost killed me. I was so lucky to have family around me. When I made the decision to place my baby for adoption I felt a great deal of peace come over me. I was so blessed to come in contact with the amazing adoptive family that took my son as their own!

After my sons placement I spent many years lost and out of control.
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I never really had anyone tell me what to expect after I placed my baby, I never had anyone that I could talk with about the guilt, sadness, grief that I was feeling.
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I tried to keep myself together and act like everything was fine but it was almost impossible. I spent years away from the church and turned to drinking, drugs and casual relationships trying to find anything that would fill the void that I was feeling. It took many mistakes and many break downs to finally snap out of it.

After everything that I experienced I realized how important it is to have people around you that understand what you are going through and can help you and teach you from their own experiences. That is where the next chapter of my life took me.

In 2010 I founded a non-profit organization called
Blessings in a Basket. It was set up with the birth mothers in mind. They have a great need for love, support, healing and connecting and so through gift baskets, life coaching, a community of other birth moms, support groups, retreats and so much more we are bringing that to them. My number one priority is to be there for the birth moms, night and day, offering any amount of information and support that I can.

BIB is set up now to reach not just the birth moms but the birth fathers, the parents of the birth parents, adoption agencies and adoptive families…there are so many ways that people can donate to Blessings in a Basket through all of our different events, baskets, advertising etc. If anyone has any questions about the organization or about how they can reach out and help, they can contact me at any time ashley@blessingsinabasket.org.

My son will be 5 years old in April, 2011…it has been 5 years. I have spent much of that time in darkness and a year in the light. Giving my son for adoption was the best choice for me and everyone involved. It was in no way the easiest choice and it came with the most “side-effects”..but I found a way to get through them. I know that I was watched over and protected, I know that I had more of a story to tell, I know that I had people waiting for me and that needed me. I have been able to reach so many women, amazing “Big Tough Girls” and I am the luckiest person on the planet.
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It took a long time to get here but we always try to show where life goes after adoption…give the birth moms the tools that they need, life coaching and direction to move forward and not backward, to succeed and not fail, to love and not grieve. We offer opportunities of employment for those interested and help with placement for those looking down another path.

I am not picketing the streets screaming pro-life, I am not a college graduate, I am not a business whiz, I am not well connected in society and I am not wealthy. I am just a girl who found herself pregnant and who placed her son for adoption…I am telling my story in hopes to help one girl at a time!

A birthmother's story- Adam's adoption

I am so excited to be able to share Adam's birth mother's story. She is very special to us and words cannot not say how much we love her!


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My name is Diane and this is my Adoption Story.
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The twist to my story is that my son was planned, but certain situations lead you to do things that are unexpected….

My Son’s father and I were all wrong from the beginning, but you know how they say "opposites attract", well that was the story of us…

Adam’s father and I were only dating for a brief time before I got pregnant and even though he really wasn’t ready to be a father, our plan was to keep our baby.
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During the time I was pregnant I fell on very hard times, which forced me to move in with my sister and her four daughters, and anytime too many grown ups are in a house together things tend to fall apart.
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Y and I talked to his mother together when I found out I was pregnant which she really didn’t like (because he was much younger than me) but said she would do everything in her power to support our decision.
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As months passed Y and I really weren’t getting along to well and neither was me and my sister which put me in a stressful situation cause I didn’t have a job and neither did he at the time. I really had no one to fall back on.
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my sister and I ended up having a big fight and she kicked me out of her house. At the time my middle son was with me and we had no where to go and all I could think about was what am I going to do? I have a baby on the way, no money, no job, plus Y had started to deny the baby.
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I was all alone. My father sent me a bus ticket to Florida to come live with him and his family but their living conditions were horrible..... no place for a new born baby. My job search went terrible because NOBODY will hire somebody that’s pregnant and that’s a fact.
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My first thought was abortion (I had already had one years ago) but I was so far along they wanted over a thousand dollars and it was a two day procedure. ..
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Adoption popped in my head and honestly I thought that it would the best and easiest thing in the world but it wasn’t.
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I called a lot of places and people I even thought about giving my baby to a family member just for a couple of months to get on my feet but my family is a trip!
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I finally found Heart to Heart Adoption agency. They talked to me for awhile, got my son and I an apartment in Utah, flew us down and gave me a Social Worker named Stacy.
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I was her last case because she was actually getting a promotion and when I say she was wonderful she was great. I love her so much!
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She was all I had when I had no one.
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Whatever I needed she made sure I had it. She went on vacation with her family and actually came back early because I went into labor and she wanted to be by my side! She was amazing!
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I had looked through about nine different families profiles before I found the one that I fell in love with literally!
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I was kind of nervous when we met, didn’t really know what to except but Angie and Clayton were so nice to me and my son it was like a walk in the park they were hip and cool young people who loved life and each other and I needed that for my baby!
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they were so good together, all that they were missing was a child!
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After our first meeting and dinner I knew they were exactly what I was looking for. From then on out every doctors appointment Angie was there. Her and Clayton were even there at birth and I met their entire immediate family which let me know their family background was solid which was another plus!
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During the delivery I was sick as a dog. I had gone to the hospital prior to this because I was having contractions and they gave me some kind of pain pill and sent me home because they said I wasn’t ready.
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My labor wasn’t really that long but I was very glad and sad it was over.
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Glad because I wasn’t pregnant anymore and the pain was over but sad because I knew that within days I had to give up something that was worth more to me than gold. ...........
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Now Adam was the prettiest baby in the hospital and I’m not just saying it because he was mine! .............
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(1 day old)
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I couldn’t keep the nurses out and they always had some kind of excuse of why they needed him in the nursery I even caught the nurses taking pictures of him! ...........


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when I say he was a beautiful baby he was beautiful OMG…
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The day arrived that I was suppose to sign him over and I cried and cried and cried and cried and I cried did I mention I cried !?!
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My social worker Stacey said to me, “you may not see it now but it’s the best thing for him” and she was right.
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I had no job, I barely had a place to stay, and no matter how bad I wanted to keep him how was it possible?
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He was going home with the best parents in the world.
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we have an open adoption
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They call, I get pictures, and I’ve even heard his voice!
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Every time I see Adam in a photo he is always smiling and he has grown into a beautiful little man which lets me know he is with great people everyday all day.
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I couldn’t have given him a better gift then Angie and Clayton.
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They are absolutely great parents and adoption is a good choice.
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But it does have it’s side effect believe me because there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about my son, not even an hour.
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I always feel like I’m missing something and even though at the moment it was the best thing for him, I just want to be selfish cause I want him back so bad!
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but then I think about and look at his pictures and see his smiles and I realize...
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I may be blood, but he is with his family…
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Clayton and Angie I love you guys dearly!!!!

A Birthmother's Story- Jessalynn

I met my birthfather in basic training, I thought I was in love...or maybe I was just smitten with the fact that he claimed to be in love with me...I still haven't decided. Anyway, I got home at the end of October, found out I was pregnant a couple days before I was to leave to college. My biggest fear was telling my parents. I could think of nothing worse then seeing my parents faces when I gave them the biggest let down of their life. To look into their eyes and tell them that seemed impossible. After they had been told they didn't react too bad. They were dissapointed but mostly sad. After we had talked for a while, they told me to call my college and make sure I could still live in student housing. Luckily, I was still able to. I moved in and because of some differences i moved to a different set of housing, then my life changed.... I walked into the apartment and I met this girl. Her name was Alyson. Now at first I wasn't a big fan of her, little did I know she would be the source of relief and over bounding joy, she would help me get through one of the hardest things of my life. After several days of 24/7 throwing up I figured I should probably divulge the information that I was with child. I told them and to my surprise they weren't totally rude to me, instead they opened up their arms to me. One day after having gone to LDS family services I had a pile of adoptive couple profiles. I was looking through them on the floor. I had a yes, no, maybe pile. I had certain things i really wanted. ( I am not going to share those because I fear that adoptive couples will feel they need to have those. This is not true. Every birthmother has different wants and needs.) Anyways...Alyson came in from class and asked what they were, I explained they were potential adoptive parents of my baby. Aly responded non chalantly and walked into her room. Minutes later she came back out and told me of her aunt in uncle who lived in another state. I told her to have them call me or send me their profile. Well her aunt called me on the phone. She sounded nice on the phone at first impression then I found more out about her and her family. They were involved in a lot of the activities I had hoped and dreamed that my baby would be able to be involved in as well. She had two other biological boys. Big brothers is something I had always wanted. Then she sent me their profile. I looked at that profile for hours. Scoping everything out. I cried, I smiled, I pondered.



One day, I just realized, This baby belongs to them. I had my caseworker set up a face to face so I could tell them. They thought I just wanted to meet them. I put together a basket with Alyson and had it all ready for them when they came down. I was very excited, nervous, and scared. I probably tried on like 7 outfits...Aly kept saying, " You look fine" My biggest fear was that they would think I was some stupid teenager who went out and got knocked up. When they walked into that room I felt calm instantly. Then when their boys walked in I KNEW I had made the right choice. They are the two sweetest most well mannered boys i have ever met. I handed them my basket with the sonogram and some baby stuff. They just looked at it. They didn't really say anything. I started to freak out then. No response I was worried they were going to say no. After the meeting we went to Ice Cream. We talked and I enjoyed getting to know them. Overall I was pretty quiet. I went home and I just cried that night. I can't think of anyway to describe it. You feel relief because you know you found the parents and yet you feel an overwhelming grief because it becomes real. I have never wept like I did then.



On August 20, 2008 Josie Jeanne was born. She had a hard time getting here, but she made it. I regret it with all my might but I didn't even hold her right after she was born. I was just so exhausted. But on the other hand I think it was a good thing. She was able to have that bonding moment with her parents. The next two days went by so fast. Then I had to place that beautiful baby girl into their arms at placement. It was the hardest moment of my life. I didn't ever think in a million years I could feel hurt like that. But I did. I placed her in their arms and I walked out. That night I went to my parents house and didn't sleep at all. I was in shock. I kept putting my hand on my stomach. I was missing my baby girl. I wept, I looked at pictures. I missed her so so much. I cried for probably three months straight. Then in November I had the chance to see her for the first time since placement. When I held that baby girl again, the sadness started to heal, when I saw her with her family and how well she fit in, the sadness was even more alleviated. I knew she fit. She belonged to them!





I went home feeling worlds better. Skipping ahead. When I was getting ready to go to her sealing my friend who had planned on going with me skipped out. So I invited the guy who I had only been dating for a week (I know crazy! Yes, we are still together! lol ) and my birthmother friend and of course Aly. We went and I had some time with Josie before both the blessing and the sealing. When they came out of the temple they looked so beautiful. They looked so happy. It tore me up and made me happy all at the same time. But it was then I knew with no doubt in my mind I made the right choice.


Josie's adoptive parents are the most amazing people I have ever met and I am so thankful for them. I am thankful for their two sons. I am thankful for Aly. Most of all I am thankful for God.



15 months later I still miss Josie every once in a while and I still think about her everyday. But it gets better everyday. I can not ever regret my decision because she is with who she belongs to. I know that when she grows up she will know who i am and how I feel about her. She will know she is loved by a ridiculous amount of people. She is a beautiful girl and is growing to be more beautiful everyday. I love my Josie!! -- Jessalynn Bills Speight www.birthmothers4adoption.blogspot.com -- Jessalynn Bills Speight www.birthmothers4adoption.blogspot.com

A Birthmother's Story- Cooper's story

I am SO excited that Cooper's birthmother was willing to write her story down so I could share it here! We love her so much and are so grateful that she is in our lives!

Hello! My name is L, and I was blessed to be able to place Cooper with Angie and Clayton! This is still very recent and emotional but I would love to share my story with anyone and everyone because of the blessings that come from adoption.

There are no words that could describe the feeling of being 28 years old, single and pregnant! It was my biggest dream turning into a nightmare. All I had ever dreamed of was getting married and becoming a mother! All the fun of having nieces and nephews and praying someone would come into my life and full-fill my dreams. I was scared, sick to my stomach and alone.

How was I ever going to tell my parents that I was pregnant? The fact that my oldest brother and his wife adopted 5 years earlier wasn't helping my thoughts because all I could think of was how bad they wanted another baby and because of my mistake I ended up with their hopes and dreams. How was I going to break the news and what where my plans going to be? Could I raise this child? Would I be strong enough for adoption? How could I ever make this important of a decision?

After many sleepless nights and talking with the baby's father and getting the reply all girls would fear, ADOPTION WAS MY ONLY ANSWER. I could never deny this child of a father and having the opportunity to be sealed to a family. A good friend, who had placed her baby 7 years prior, gave me the website, www.itsaboutlove.com. So I got on and started my journey of finding this babies family.

My thoughts on finding a family were confusing but very clear to me... I wanted a family that had ZERO kids. I wanted to bless a family that had not received the blessing of children yet!

I wanted a family that shared the same interests as I did. A love for sports and an extra bonus if they loved the Atlanta Braves and the BYU Cougars!!! I also wanted a family that was close with each other. My siblings are my best friends!!

I had found a couple of families that I enjoyed reading about and seemed to fit my profile. But, they just weren't it! I was getting discouraged and didn't want to look anymore. It was very emotional and hard to think about this babies future and that it was all in my hands. I thought to myself that if I wasn't getting that "MAGICAL" feeling then I was not going through with the adoption. I couldn't just give my baby to anyone.

So.. the search ended.

After a couple of months of planning on keeping the baby I had a labor scare and decided that I needed help. So I turned to the Lord once again and had many more sleepless nights. I called LDS Family Services and set up an appointment with a case worker, and was scared to death. I did not want to go in there and have a total stranger tell me my faults and the mistake that I had made. I was nervous that they would push adoption on me, since that was what they were there for. I WAS TOTALLY WRONG!!
My case worker was amazing! He said things to me that made me feel human again. He told me things that reminded me that Heavenly Father still loves me. He made it clear to me that this was my decision and no one should push me into something that I didn't want and feel was right. I was so happy that I had gone in to talk to him.

When I got home that night I jumped back on the adoption website and started looking again. I saw a few couples that seemed ok but just weren't it.

I turned off the computer and went and said a little prayer and asked Heavenly Father to comfort me and make me aware of the family when I came across them.

A couple of hours later I went back to the computer and clicked on a familiar face.

How exciting!!

I knew this couple and I was so happy that they were adopting and they had adopted a little boy already! As I kept looking at the profile picture I came to realize that I didn't know this family, but there was something in my heart that told me I did...

My heart was pounding! I didn't know what was happening so I clicked off!!

It scared me! I had NEVER felt that before... But I couldn't get their picture out of my head. I lay awake all night picturing this family and how happy they were.
The next day I found their profile and once again they looked so familiar to me and I had to figure out why? Did they used to live in this same city as me? Did they play softball against me? HOW DO I KNOW THEM?

Then... it hit me... This is my son's family! I had found them! With a past that I had once regretted, I was finally content.

I got to met Clayton and Angie about a month before Cooper was born. I was terrified to meet them. What if they didn't like me? And I knew they must have been scared too!
During a lunch with Clayton, Angie and Adam I felt peace within myself. I was finally ok with the thought of placing my baby with this family. Seeing how happy Adam was... and the smile on his face could win anyone over!

A cool thing about Angie and Clayton- When I found out I was having a boy I went and bought some BYU onesies and an Atlanta Braves t-shirt...Finding out that Clayton was the #2 fan of both of teams (next to me) just put the cherry on top!
Being able to talk to Angie and getting to know them better over the next month really helped settle my fears and calm my heart. I wasn't sure at that time how open I was wanting to be with the adoption. Was this going to be a heartache seeing his pictures or would it tear me up not knowing how he was?

It was my choice though and I had a big decision to make.

The day finally came and I couldn't wait to get this baby out!! Until I was about ten hours into labor... and then I thought just keep him in! I can't handle the pain anymore knowing the real pain would hit the next day with the placement! Thirteen hours later little Cooper was born!

It was such a bitter sweet moment.

Most babies aren't that cute when they are first born and Cooper was perfect! He was so beautiful!

How was I ever going to place this precious baby into someone elses arms?

That night was the longest night of my life. So much was on my mind. Could I really go through with adoption? I was in so much pain and too tired to sleep.

I just wanted to hold that baby as long as I could knowing that it would be the only chance I would get.

Saturday morning rolled around and I was not sure what emotions I should be having, but I knew my decision and I knew it wasn't going to be easy. Placement was set for that evening so I had prepared myself all day for it and I felt pretty strong... only to find out that the doctor was not going to release us until the next day. Sunday afternoon came around and that's when we would finally get to meet for placement with the case worker.

When I walked into the room and saw Clayton, Angie and Adam and knowing that they were waiting for this little boy to come into their lives, I had to choke back on my tears! I wanted this to be a happy moment. My heart was breaking for my selfish reasons yet so full of excitement for this family to finally get another addition to their family. As I placed Cooper into his mother's arms I couldn't stop my emotions.

At that moment I learned that you find strength in your moments of weakness.

Its been 3 months since I held little Cooper! Angie and Clayton are so wonderful with updating me on how Cooper and the family are doing. I would be totally lost if I wasn't able to see this precious boy grow and KNOW that he is happy and well!

Open adoption has saved my life.

Emotions are crazy after having a baby and even more crazy when you don't have someone to hold or comfort the pain. I am comforted when I receive the pictures of Cooper. Angie and Clayton have become part of my family. I love them as if I've known them from the life before this one! Thank you so much for caring and loving this little boy!

"You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have."

Cooper, I will always love you!

L

Cooper with his cousin who was born on the same day!

A Birthmother's Story

I'm so humbled and excited to share some very special birthmother stories this month, starting with this one...I hope it touches your heart as it did mine.

I was living a charmed life in spring 2009. I was a resident assistant for USU On-Campus Housing. I was three semesters away from my PR/Communications degree. I had great friends, and in January I began dating a guy I met in band. We’ll call him B. We were both geeks, but considered ourselves “cool” geeks. Our relationship moved fast, and we started talking about marriage early.

Three months into our relationship, I began to get very jealous. B would hang out with other girls, which I felt was inappropriate. He had also expressed his discomfort that I had had a serious physical relationship with a boyfriend in high school. Our relationship was unhealthy and crumbling, but I refused to give up on it. When we moved away from each other for the summer, I saw it as a chance for me to get myself back on track and for our relationship to heal.

On June 14 2009, I found out I was pregnant. My initial thought was that B would come to my rescue, take me in his arms, and we would become the family we had been planning. Unfortunately, that wouldn’t be the case.

B and I knew that there was little chance of a relationship between us working out. It was decided that a wedding would not happen, and I needed to make a plan. My mom had decided to take me to LDS Family Services for counseling, and that was what changed my life.

I was never pressured into placing for adoption. In fact, when I told my caseworker that I wanted to place for adoption, she told me to wait on my decision. It was advised that I make a parenting plan and really think through my options. The decision to parent or place is very individual. I fought myself for months, going back and forth between parenting and placing. The further into my pregnancy I got, the more my heart began to change. Each day it became less about me and more about the little spirit growing inside of me.
When I was barely three months along, I started looking at parent profiles on www.itsaboutlove.org . I wanted to know more about adoptive couples and see what this “open adoption” thing was all about. I emailed five couples. One couple replied and let me know that they were already in contact with a birthmother. One didn’t write back at all. The other three wrote back, but only one really stuck out to me. We started emailing back and forth regularly, and I soon found I wasn’t just writing to a hopeful adoptive couple – I was writing to friends. I shared everything about my pregnancy with them, and they responded with questions about me. We discovered that we had crossed paths many times in the past ten years, but had never actually met. The only concern I had about them was that they lived 2,500 miles away from me. Basically, as far from me as they could possibly be and still be in the continental United States.

By November 2009, I was pretty sure I wanted to place with them – if I placed. They decided to visit their families for Thanksgiving, and suggested meeting while they were in the area. I loved the idea, and knew that I needed to meet them before I could make a decision. At the time, I felt there was about a 60% chance I would parent. I couldn’t imagine placing this baby into the arms of someone else.

When B and I met Dave and Amy for the first time, I felt peace. They were amazing, and just as nervous as I was. My confirmation came within moments. When we sat down, I looked at Amy. In that instant, I saw myself placing a child in her arms. My heart broke and was healed at the same time. My Heavenly Father was giving me my answer.
Over the next few weeks, I fought as hard as I could. I felt excitement when I thought about parenting, but I was unsettled. When I thought about placement, my heart ached but I felt peace and comfort.

On Christmas Eve, I announced to Dave and Amy that I would be placing with them. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RGIXSZ8tFM) I knew it was right, even though my heart was heavy. The joy I heard in Dave and Amy’s voices when they called me that night was all I needed to know for sure. They had been waiting over 8 years for this.
January was a rush of preparation. I talked to my unborn son, sang to him, and made promises. I promised to make him proud. I promised to do things right in my life. I promised that he would always be loved.

The second week of February, less than two weeks before I was due, my step-father fell into a self-induced coma. He was the man who had supported me through my entire pregnancy. He had given me fatherly advice, love, and support at all hours of the day. We thought we would lose him that first week, and I prayed harder than I ever had before. I didn’t know that I could make it through placement without him.

I was induced on February 20, 2010. That same day, Dave and Amy were flying to Utah in case I went into labor. The timing would be perfect, as Dave could only miss one week of school and had spring break the second week. They would need to stay in Utah until they were given the OK to fly back to Florida.

B and my mom were present the entire time I was in labor. I breathed through my contractions, and the closer I got to delivery, the more uncertain I became. I wasn’t ready for this. I wanted to meet my little boy, but as soon as he arrived my countdown would begin.

At 5:31 pm, David III was born. He weighed 8 pounds, 2 ounces. He was perfect. When I first held him, he stole my heart completely. I spent the next two days loving on him, singing to him, and memorizing him. My perfect little boy. The more time I spent with him, the more I knew I had to give him the world. And the world he deserved was more than I could give him by myself. I was breastfeeding in the hospital, and it was a comfort to me that Amy would be breastfeeding after placement as well. Together, we were giving our little boy the best start.

Placement was the most spiritual experience of my life. Although my heart was breaking, the peace I was praying so hard for was there. As I placed David into Amy’s arms, she embraced me. We held our son between us, and I knew it was right. I ached, I wanted to run, I wanted to scream, I wanted to take my little boy back. But I knew I couldn’t, because he deserved more.

Since placement, I have completely turned my life around. My step-father passed away in May, but I know he is still watching over me. I also had the incredible opportunity to be present at the court finalization in August in Orlando, Florida. I was outside the LDS temple later that day when Dave, Amy and David were sealed as an eternal family. I shared their joy that day, and I have shared their joy many times since. We stay in close contact and consider ourselves family. Amy and I have become very close, and I recently returned from a one-week visit. I got to love on that sweet little boy, nicknamed Bo after me, and was able to again see the beautiful family I was able to help create. My broken situation was transformed into a perfect family. I am so grateful for adoption. I am so grateful that I have such a loving, wonderful relationship with my baby’s parents.

David will always know who I am. He will always know that I placed him because I love him. He will always know that he was meant to be part of his family.

Families are ordained of God. Families are forever.

I love you, little one.