Dreaming Big

When I was a little girl I loved figure skating.
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I would spend my Saturdays doing twirls and jumps on the ice at the outdoor skating rink down by Utah lake while my dad and older brother swished by on their hockey skates.
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When I was 11 I got bored of twirling and jumping and told my dad I wanted to play hockey just like him. He didn't waste a second getting me fitted from head to toe in hockey gear and bought me my first pair of hockey skates.
Hockey skates are different from figure skates in several ways. In the beginning I could never get my skates laced tight enough.
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I remember sitting on the bench watching my dad lace my skates up.
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He had to do it countless more times before I finally got the hang of it.
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He signed me up to play in a pewee league and my love of hockey took off.
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Me at 12 years old on my first Pewee team
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By the time I was in high school I was on the Varsity team.
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Yes. I was the only girl. I was used to being the only girl on the team by then.
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Did you know that when you are on a team full of all boys you don't smile for your team photo?!?
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Hahaha..I'd love to see how different this picture would be if it were a team full of girls :)
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(PS. I'm the one with the long hair)
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By the time I was 17 and finishing my senior year of high school, I'd had many amazing experiences and opportunities and many doors where being opened for me. I had long dreamed of going on to play hockey in College and one day being the first woman in the NHL
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(I dream big or I go home!)
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I was picking through scholarship offers and trying to select the best college to attend but in the end my life took a different path.
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Within a few years my dreams of playing hockey were replaced with love, marriage and having children. But I stayed in touch with hockey by turning to coaching and playing in city leagues here and there.
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I also dreamed that one day my kids would play hockey.
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But when infertility strikes, our dreams are pretty much shattered. We are so consumed by it that we don't have the time or the energy to think about anything else. All the things that we assumed would so easily fall into place, the ones we sometimes take for granted, where now miles from our reach.
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So when I took Adam ice skating for the very first time on Saturday, I had a very surreal moment..was this really happening?
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I told myself he wouldn't like it because I didn't want to get my hopes up.
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Our first lap around the rink took about 20 minutes because we were going so slow. My feet were tingling and cramping in my skates from hunching over him and barely moving but we kept going.
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I kept asking him if he need a break and he always said no.
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After the 2nd lap he ditched the little walker and we held hands instead.
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After the 5th lap he let go of my hand and said "I want to try all by myself".
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I am so proud of him. I thought we would last 5 minutes and instead we stayed the whole hour.
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I am not the type of person who is interested in living vicariously through my children. I intend to support them whether we share the same interests or not.
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But for now I'm going to cherish the moment when I laced up my little boys skates for the first time.
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