Infertility? I'm over it.

Several weeks ago my hubby and I had the opportunity to attend and teach a class for our local LDS Family Services adoption training. We are on the board for Families Supporting Adoption so we have taught this class before but it never gets old for me!
Before our class we hosted a breakout session for a group of first time adoptive couples and I think that was my favorite class. We were able to answer so many great questions and share some wonderful experiences.
Overall I believe there were about 40 couple in attendance for the training. A majority of the couples that where there were "first time" adoptive couples meaning they are just beginning the adoption process and have no children yet. As I sat looking out over these wonderful people, my heart couldn't help but ache for them. I wanted to hug them and tell them "You are not alone!"
I was surprised at how emotional I was feeling! I think just knowing that some of the couples there where "fresh" off the infertility bandwagon just made me think back to our own infertility experience.

For them and those of my readers that have dealt with or are currently dealing with infertility I felt compelled to share some things with you. First, You are not alone! I know the pain of infertility, the loss of hope and the struggle of keeping enough faith to keep going one more day. I know about the anger and the sadness that come with the realization that I will never carry a child inside my womb and hear his heart beat. I will never know what my hubby and I can create together. I know all too well what it's like to be poked and prodded at every doctors visit. To get my hopes up before every blood draw, procedure, or test result shows up. I faithfully took the infertility pills and did everything I was told. I was the only one at work that knew my temperature and what day of my cycle it was EVERY single morning for 4 years!!
I've been there. I've done that...BUT.. I'm over it! (I'll tell you why later in the post :D) But I will tell you that it's worth it!

I can relate to the million questions you have about adoption. The ridiculous fees, the paperwork, the 101 hoops we have to jump through. The nervousness and the anxiety that come with the entire process and impatience of being "chosen" and finally starting your family. I could write a small book from my encounters with friends/family and acquaintances who have made insensitive comments about our infertility and adoption experiences.

I've been there. I've done that..and I will tell you that it's worth it!!

All of it.

I've said this before and I will say it again because I believe it to be the truth. Infertility is the biggest blessing I have ever been given. I would not be the woman I am today without the experience. Because of it I appreciate the miracle of life so much more.
I can tell you with an honest heart that I am 100% over infertility. I don't dwell on it nor does it cause me pain and anguish to talk about it. I am genuinely happy...no, thrilled when I hear of anothers pregnancy. (just don't complain about it PLEASE!) ....I can be happy for those around me..

Because I am confident of the path that I am on.

Let me tell you why:

Heavenly Father will never give us a trial that we cannot bear.

“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” (1 Cor. 10:13.)

In a talk by Paul V. Johnson of the Quorum of the Seventy he writes..

"Not one of the trials and tribulations we face is beyond our limits, because we have access to help from the Lord. We can do all things through Christ, who strengthens us.(Phillipians 4:13)

"The question is, how will we bear it?
I can tell you that at first I did not handle my trial of infertility well!! I went through EVERY emotion..pain, sadness, anger, frustration..you name it, I felt it!

Brother Johnson goes on to say..
...."In the midst of problems, it is nearly impossible to see that the coming blessings far outweigh the pain, humiliation, or heartbreak we may be experiencing at the time....At times it may seem that our trials are focused on areas of our lives and parts of our souls with which we seem least able to cope. Since personal growth is an intended outcome of these challenges, it should come as no surprise that the trials can be very personal—almost laser guided to our particular needs or weaknesses. " This rings so true to my ears! There were times where I felt the trial of infertility couldn't get any more personal! It was the only thing in life that I really wanted so why couldn't I have the deepest desire of my heart?

But eventually (eventually being several years of heart ache later) I started looking at our trials in a different way. I wanted to understand what I was supposed to gain and learn from it? The "Why me?" questions continued but my attitude changed from whining to genuinely wanting to know "Why?"...what where we supposed to learn from this and where we on the right path at all?

Apostle Orson F. Whitney (1855–1931) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, explained: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God … and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.”

Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore of this trial I had been dealt, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel. It was a well lit path and it beckoned me to follow. After years of infertility struggles I had found an answer to my prayers.... because despite everything, I never stopped praying. Even when I was mad at God Himself, I still got on my knees and poured my heart out to Him.

I want to share parts of another talk that I love, called "Adversity and Prayer" by Bishop H. Burke Peterson (given in Jan 1974)
He says:

"Let us remember—trials are an evidence of a Father’s love. They are given as a blessing to his children. They are given as opportunities for growth.

Now, how do we approach them? How do we overcome them? How are we magnified by them? There seems to be a reason why we lose our composure in adversity—why we think we can no longer cope with what we’re faced with here in this life. There is a reason why we give up, why we “fall apart at the seams” so to speak. The reason may be so simple that we lose sight of it.

Could it be it’s because we begin to lose contact with our greatest source of strength—our Father in heaven? He is the key to our enjoying sweetness in adversity—in gaining strength from our trials—he and he alone.

As a reassurance to us, let us read from the New Testament: “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” (1 Cor. 10:13.)

Did you get the significance of that scriptural promise—we will have no temptation or trial beyond our ability to overcome—he will provide a way for us to rise above—whatever it may be.

May I suggest the best way I know to keep close to the source of this great strength is through prayer. No man can stand alone in his struggle through life. Sometimes in discouragement our prayers, at best, become occasional or maybe not at all. Sometimes we forget or just don’t care. Brigham Young once said, “Prayer keeps man from sin, and sin keeps man from prayer.”

Sincere prayer is the heart of a happy and productive life. Prayer strengthens faith. Prayer is the preparation for miracles. Prayer opens the door to eternal happiness. The Father of us all is personal, ever waiting to hear from us, as any loving father would his children. To learn to communicate with him, to learn to pray effectively, requires diligence and dedication and desire on our part. I wonder sometimes if we are willing to pay the price for an answer from the Lord.

As we learn to develop this two-way communication, the standard of our life will improve. We will see things more clearly, we will try harder to do better, we will see the real joy that can come through trials and testing. Although problems will still be with us, peace, contentment, and true happiness will be ours in abundance."

"...Think to whom you are speaking, control your thoughts—don’t let them wander, address him as your Father and your friend. Now tell him things you really feel to tell him—not trite phrases that have little meaning, but have a sincere, heartfelt conversation with him. Confide in him, ask him for forgiveness, plead with him, enjoy him, thank him, express your love to him, and then listen for his answers. Listening is an essential part of praying. Answers from the Lord come quietly—ever so quietly. In fact, few hear his answers audibly with their ears. We must be listening so carefully or we will never recognize them. Most answers from the Lord are felt in our heart as a warm comfortable expression, or they may come as thoughts to our mind. They come to those who are prepared and who are patient."

My prayers changed over the years as I realized what I truly wanted.

Did I want to be pregnant or did I want to be a parent?

HUGE difference in my way of thinking there!
When my desires and needs changed the answer to my prayer came very quickly and that's when I knew why we'd been given the trial of infertility...

Without it we would never have considered adoption....

And the thought of not being our children's mother is too much to bear.

Once we finally knew that the path set before us was the right one, I felt so much peace in my heart. I continued to pray daily, but now I had one more very important blessing that I was asking for. I prayed for Heavenly Father to lift the pain of infertility from my shoulders. It was a huge burden (the elephant in EVERY room) that was weighing me down. I didn't feel like I could move completely forward while still feeling it's weight. It wasn't an overnight answer but it came gradually and consistently over time. I felt peace but my heart was also healing a little bit every day. I have felt the changes in my life, in my attitude and in my overall happiness. I decided to never look back and it was the best decision for me.