Lets talk about trans racial adoption

Trans racial adoption.

This is a topic that is very near to my heart.

I have a beautiful blended family that gets lots of attention wherever we go. We almost immediately have heads turning towards us (or doing a double-take) as they see that our family looks "different". When they come in for a closer look and get captivated by our kids beautiful smiles, that's when the questions start coming:

"Where are they from?"

"What agency did you use?"

"How old where they when you got them?"

I don't mind the questions (as long as they are appropriate) so I happily answer them. I feel like I have an opportunity to educate everyone around me by debunking adoption myths and addressing trans racial adoption.

Some people are bolder than others:

"Aren't you scared that their birth moms will come and take them back?"

And some people are just plain inconsiderate such as the time I was at the grocery store with adorable little Adam who was about 7 months old at the time. He was sitting in the shopping cart, grinning from ear to ear and happily kicking his feet when we walked past two women staring intently at us. One of the women turned to her friend, rolled her eyes, and said

"White people should not be allowed to adopt black babies"

I wish I could say that I stopped her and had a nice calm conversation where I educated her about adoption but that's not what happened.

Instead, I turned into a very ticked off mama bear protecting her cub.

I unleashed my tongue and let that woman have it! I'm pretty sure she was more than surprised that I defended myself!

Let me explain why I got so mad.

First of all I'm not a fan of ignorance.

There is no room for it anywhere near me as far as I'm concerned. Second, those are the kind of comments that i want to shield my kids from..obviously it's not completely possible but 7 months old is a bit young to start!

When I look at Adam I don't spend time analyzing
that his skin is darker than mine.

What I see is my beautiful son who in turn looks at me and sees his mommy. He trusts me completely to take care of him and love him unconditionally..and I do.

I love his toes. I love his nose. I love his beautiful eyes and the texture of his hair that is so different from mine.

I love him when he's happy, I love him when he's sad. I even love him when he throws one of his famous tantrums, slams his bedroom door and tells me he doesn't even like me.

When I look at Cooper I feel blessed to
have the chance to be a mother for the 2nd time.

I look at his beautiful big blue eyes so different from my own brown ones and I marvel at the light and joy they bring into the room.
I have to remind myself that he is biracial!
I love his smile, it is absolutely contagious. I love his chubby thighs, his kissable cheeks and his soft creamy skin.

We don't ever plan on ignoring the fact that Adam is African American and that Cooper is biracial. The time will come when Adam will ask questions about the differences in our skin tones. I hope he does because that will mean that he is comfortable with coming to us and not worried about offending us. And the wonderful part is that he won't have to wonder about who he looks like because we have a great relationship with his birth mother and he will always have that to lean on if he wishes.
.
Cooper will undoubtedly have questions about his own ethnicity. He may look Caucasian but his birth father is half African American. Hopefully he will know that he can turn to us with all of his curiosity. Our wonderful relationship with his birth mother will also be there for him if he chooses.

I sometimes forget that our family looks different.
What I want to teach my kids is that different isn't bad.

Different is just different.

We can celebrate our differences,
they are part of what make us unique.

I recently read a great article about a 53 year old Korean man who was adopted at the age of 3 by African American parents. His story of trans racial adoption is all about love.

Of his childhood he said "“I grew up not trying to identify, but naturally identifying with the people around me, the African American culture. From before I can remember, I was surrounded by African American people. They were the ones I saw every day, they were my family, the people I lived with, who loved me, took care of me and played with me.”

“My family always made me feel part of the family. They loved me and took very good care of me. I knew where I came from.”

“The person you are is the person you are within, and to look different from your parents, you have to have a certain level of strength to deal with people who look at you and say, ‘Why are you different from your parents?’ But it truly is about who you are inside, and not about whether you look like [your parents] or if you don’t look like [your parents].”

The most important principle I want my kids to understand
is that they are in the family that Heavenly Father
intended for them to have. His plan is perfect.
They are here in this beautifully
blended family by divine design.
They have birth mother's that love them,
and two parents who wouldn't have any of this any other way.
.
.